The Salad Snack Dilemma: A Letter from Arin

Letter from Arin

Arin writes: I recently witnessed my husband opening a box of salad greens, grabbing a handful, and stuffing them into his mouth with abandon. He’s never been a fan of salads, and he insists that this is the most effective way for him to benefit from eating greens. Personally, I find this behavior rather bizarre. Should he really be allowed to continue munching on lettuce in such an unrefined manner?

I’ve been touring with the Judge John Hodgman live show lately, which has led to my diet being quite imbalanced—heavy on jerky and light on roughage. If gas stations offered packs of washed spinach, you can bet I’d be shoving those vibrant leaves urgently into my iron-deficient mouth. While it’s true that my home is not a roadside convenience store, I see no harm in normalizing the concept of dark leafy greens as a quick and easy snack as long as he’s digging into his own box.

However, when it comes to lettuce? I have to draw the line. There simply isn’t enough nutritional density to justify such antisocial behavior of groping greens. I have to wonder: Would he really sit on the couch munching on a head of iceberg lettuce as if it were a giant Granny Smith apple? Honestly, I’m afraid I can already guess the answer.

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