The Complexities of Love and Care in Later Life

For nearly two decades, they have shared a bond as an unmarried couple. Both are widowed and currently in their 90s, residing in separate homes across Florida. However, they primarily live together in her residence, a situation that has grown increasingly critical as she has begun to experience memory loss in recent years.

There are moments when she forgets to eat, and she has suffered from a few falls, raising concerns about her well-being. “His presence is helpful and supportive,” remarked Jenna Wells, a relative of hers and a psychologist at Cornell University. “He takes her to medical appointments and treats her to dinners.”

Despite the comfort he provides, he is acutely aware that as they both age and her condition declines, his ability to care for her may become strained. This realization has led him to propose an important option to her family: that they both transition into a continuing care retirement community. Such facilities allow residents to move from independent living to assisted care, and ultimately to nursing or memory care units.

He emphasizes the urgency of this decision, warning that if they delay too long, the facility may mandate that she be placed directly into memory care, which would prevent him from residing with her.

However, her daughter, who possesses her mother’s power of attorney, stands firmly against this plan. “She has never seen eye to eye with her mother’s companion,” Dr. Wells explained. “There is an underlying mistrust regarding his intentions and his residence in her mother’s home.”

Currently, with the decision still pending, the couple is managing their daily lives with the assistance of home care aides. “As we observe this shift in societal norms, where marriage becomes less central for older adults, we can expect to see these situations arise more frequently,” Dr. Wells concluded.